


Catharsis

by KristleTribble



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Best Friends, Catharsis, Character Study, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hugs, Mental Breakdown, Nostalgia, Platonic Relationships, Texting, Winter, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 20:51:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17835974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KristleTribble/pseuds/KristleTribble
Summary: I needed a break from writing my sci-fi Nordic AU.This was born out of a challenge to myself, to see if I could write a one-shot across 3500 words without making it pointless or redundant. Hence this creation.Certain things that would normally be tagged are not for the sake of spoilers, but I promise that it is nothing dangerously heavy-hearted.catharsis = feeling of peace after emotional release(April 18th update: see author's notes for more information)





	Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

> April 18th update/edit:
> 
> It was brought to my attention by some friends that I used 'neurotic' in a slightly insensitive way to describe Norway's behavior, especially since I didn't intend for him to be portrayed as having neurosis in this piece. That being said, I'd like to make an apology to anyone who found themselves confused, infuriated, or insulted at this usage. I'll strive to be more aware of mental health portrayal and language in the future! I apologize again!!

"Mathias. It's not fair that you always get to select your character first."

 

The Dane looked up from the screen, considering what Lukas had said to him.

 

"And on top of it, it's always the same character. Don't you think variety can be beneficial? For once?" The Norwegian's steely eyes looked into his for a split second before pulling away, seemingly agitated...but the Dane knew better. This was actually constructive criticism. After a long while, he had, at least, managed to learn that much about his buddy. Sensitive as he was.

 

"Ja, but I like this character. She's cute and cool and just has a really good color scheme. Ya know?"

 

Lukas smirked. "Perhaps. But her style is narrow, and I'm starting to predict your moves." He selected his own character, thumb pressed harshly upon the game pad. "We'll see how my point is proven soon enough."

 

It was, at times like these, peaceful to sit around and lollygag on a winter's afternoon. When there was nothing imperative going on, it was a comfort of them both to simply relax and enjoy the presence of one another, something very mindful but nonetheless calming.

 

Mathias, at least, thought it was cathartic for him. There was something about sparring Lukas in a video game that reminded him of olden days, when the two were hot-blooded and absolutely lustful for war. The Viking Era.....

 

....well, he had some fond memories and some bitter ones. But when it came down to it all, Mathias wouldn't exactly say he felt nostalgic. It was more of something along the lines of what you'd call bittersweet reverence.

 

He recognized that history mattered. But now, more than ever, he was the type to stick with the present.

 

He was the type to stay in the moment.

 

And surely, he didn't dwell on the silly things.

 

Well...

 

Sort of.

 

"And there, you see? At the end of that round there? You were just mashing the down button repeatedly. You're leaving your high end open. It's clumsy." Lukas' sonorous voice called his companion from a daydream. "Wouldn't you agree?"

 

"Ja, I suppose. But maybe I'm just trying to get good with one character, eh???" Mathias grinned down at his buddy, with a smile heartfelt and quite considerably jovial. He knew what Lukas was trying to help him with, but that really wasn't his own priority right now, and he felt it sorely.

 

For all the good constructive criticism that Mathias could receive, it didn't change the fact that he really just wanted to enjoy some downtime.... with his Norwegian friend.

 

The 'with' part was important, especially.

 

"Hej, Norge?"

 

Lukas looked up, the sudden formality calling his attention. "Is something the matter?"

 

Mathias set his game controller down on the carpet, where a lonely stream of weak winter light shone in from the high window. "I dunno. It's more something I just wanted to talk with you about."

 

If the Norwegian was occupied with something else previously, you wouldn't have been able to tell. He had shifted his entire position to consider Mathias head-on. "Go on. I promise I'm listening to you."

 

The Dane suddenly felt rather conscious of his own thoughts and behavior. "I just wanted to ask you, um, if you were having a good time. I know we started doing this whole video games thing because I asked if you could help me out, but it's starting to be that I'm just enjoying the time we have together."

 

Lukas cocked his head, and strands of his hair fell out of line. "And? That doesn't seem alarming to me in the slightest."

 

His expression, Mathias thought, was always and certainly mysterious, like some kind of enigma that he just wanted to break open and solve. But every time he did, there was always something that pushed back at him. He would accidentally push on his friend's nerves, and suddenly there would be days or weeks on end of them not speaking to each other.... Or maybe it was that the Dane would send Lukas things in text, or messages, and never get a reply back.

 

It was always brief, but it made Mathias think that Lukas wasn't serious about their friendship.

 

"Well, ja Norge....I just mean that I wanted to make sure you were having a good time, ya know? You don't have to keep doing this for me. I think I get what you're saying, you've been giving me some really good criticism."

 

He could see that sudden glint in Lukas' eyes that came about whenever the Norwegian was about to say something rather profound, so he braced himself for the worst and hoped for the best. It would be like him to say something relatively scathing at this point.

 

"Mathias. I'm asking this to make sure, but are you implying that my advice is becoming more and more useless?" The tone wasn't anything significant, but Mathias assumed it was damning. And he really felt for it.

 

"Nej, uh, it's rather.... uh... I just haven't been able to focus recently! I've been thinking so much about whether you're benefiting from this that I haven't really been... um, taking in your thoughts?" The words tumbled like a waterfall, a torrent stumbling and buckling upon itself. Mathias almost despised the sound of his voice when he couldn't keep the patience.

 

"So you've been thinking about me more than you've been paying attention to the tips?" Lukas stared at Mathias deeply, but not harshly. He was like a bear trying to sum up whether it had encountered prey or something of no concern.

 

At least, that's the impression the Dane always has of this particular stare. It was one of Lukas' more intimidating features. Mathias had become used to it, but there was always that one nay-sayer that tried to convince him it was just a result of that pesky 'resting bitch face'. Most people said that about Lukas since he never showed his heart on his sleeve.

 

Mathias didn't understand why they thought that.

 

"Ja, pretty much.... I'm really sorry about it too, because I've probably been wasting your time." The Dane ran a broad hand through the unruly straw he really needed a haircut for. "It's just...well, that's pretty much it. I got nothin' else to say, really. Just that I'm sorry and I'm concerned."

 

But if he was concerned, Mathias, then Lukas was somehow on the opposite end, as always, relaxed and seemingly at peace in still waters. When he opened his mouth to speak, the Norwegian only had...praise.

 

"It's quite fine, when I think about it. The fact that you've been taking into consideration my own interests shows me that you're a much more mature person than before. You've learned more about how to behave around me so as not to impede on my personal space. I like this new side of you, Mathias."

 

Dumbstricken as the Dane was by his buddy's words, he found the focus to utter some barely distinguishable words. "O-of course! I wanted to make sure I didn't insult ya or anything!"

 

Once in a blue moon, Mathias was graced with the rare sight of seeing his friend clearly express joy. It was less what you'd typically call a smile and more of a narrowing of the eyes... It was just hard to describe. There was something different about it than the more regular scathing glare, something about the way the Norwegian's eyes would subtly reflect light, and lighten ever-so-slightly. Something about the way the corners of his eyes would fold and crinkle in silent mirth and hidden merriment.

 

The closest thing Mathias could think of to describe it as was something like trying to describe the existence of love with science. It almost or really didn't make any sense.

 

"I think I owe you an apology of my own, Danmark." Lukas looked towards the TV, pressing mute on the remote next to his pale feet.

 

"An apology for what? I didn't think you were doing anything wrong, you've actually been more than helpful this entire time!" Mathias frowned slightly and wondered what the hell was about to come to light.

 

The Norwegian sighed once, twice, and crossed his legs slowly, resting his arms gently on the frigid-looking skin of his legs. "I apologize for being hot-and-cold with you."

 

Mathias grinned nervously. "How do you figure?" It was a question of courteousness. It was obvious to both of them that Mathias was perfectly aware of the weight of the apology, and that he was being rendered anxious.

 

Lukas sighed upon reading his friend's body language. "It's not right for me to not respond to your texts. That's what I mean."

 

Now they were both uncomfortable, and Mathias wished he never stopped to bring the whole thing up, if it would have meant that they could have just kept peace.

 

But that's never how time works. All you can do is watch it pass and keep going, the Dane knew this. He decided that he chose the hard road because it was the one that could get him closer to knowing Lukas.

 

Determination was kind of, sort of, his middle name. It just wasn't official.

 

Lukas broke the awkward silence with his voice again. "I can see that it doesn't do me -- us -- any good."

 

Oh? He caught it, the correction in the middle. Suddenly, Mathias thought, he was closer to something than he previously thought. Like a scientist about to discover a cure for some ailment.

 

His paler friend continued to speak, voice low and borderline wispy. "Times of ignorance, that's what I call them. And also times of apathy. I can see how you try to bridge the gap between us."

 

Mathias gulped. This was really catching him off guard. For Lukas, this was more touchy behavior than normal, this was something he normally just didn't do. He just didn't.

 

Something was up with him. Something big, Mathias thought. He just had to wait it out, be patient, be more patient, just be that way for the sake of both of them.

 

Before he quite understood the weight of what was said to him, Lukas continued on, voice ever-so-slightly wavering. Nervousness too, probably. "It's like this." And his fingers fished out his phone from his pocket, summoning up his messages list.

 

"How are you doing Lukas? Want to grab a bite to eat? Is there a time maybe we could hang out tomorrow? Been thinking about ya, hope you've been warm! Can you come over for a bit? I had a question about something and need some expert advice. Did you see the news? It said that I had to give you a bunch of hugs!! Here have some!!!!!"

 

Mathias didn't know what to say. He didn't understand why Lukas was doing this as an apology -- he had already accepted that social switch of his friend, so what was the point of this?

 

The Dane watched, feeling helpless, as his friend's face twisted farther and farther into guilt. Lukas continued on with the list of unanswered messages. "I've been feeling kind of lonely. Can I talk with you? I wanted to talk about something with you. Hej, I wanted to show you this, I thought you might like it, ja?? Me and some friends are gonna go out on the town, wanna come with? Are you doing okay? Haven't seen you for a month..."

 

It was at this point that Lukas suddenly stopped, closing the phone's display almost desperately -- as if he didn't want to read any more.

 

His posture told the Dane of an alarming amount of emotion being poured into this singular task -- hunched over, still as the sea, but wrought and possessed of an unfathomable amount of frustration. He was fighting to hold it all inside, he didn't want to lose balance.

 

The Dane looked up at the ceiling surreptitiously, somehow managing to grasp onto a singular train of thought that gave him some calm to guide by.

 

Lukas had let his guard down to him, and that was actually a good thing, Mathias told himself. It meant that there was an element of trust between them. Somehow, he didn't think any more that Lukas was intentionally trying to break off their relationship. He just didn't.

 

The defeatedness of it all told him that much.

 

The Dane figured that the best thing he could do was to tell the truth to his Norwegian friend.

 

He leaned forward slightly, voice calm and muted. "Lukas....hej...."

 

He thought briefly about whether he should touch, but dismissed the notion because he knew better. "Hej, I forgive you. Sometimes you're busy. Sometimes you just don't feel like an answer. I get it. I really do, Norge!"

 

Now it was Mathias' turn to set aside his controller, and focus his full attention on his still friend, who only moved to breath.

 

"Lukas....I'm serious. I really forgive you. I understand it, at least I think I do." Mathias tried really hard to keep his voice even and remote of any sort of strife. It was a leadership instinct, he thought.

 

Slowly, gently, the Norwegian lifted his head to match Mathias' look, with something expressionless. Which all too rapidly broke into nothing expressionless, in other words something entirely new for Lukas. His mouth tensely curved into a thin, rigid line harassed by stress, and his cheeks were donned with the tell-tale rosy sign of agitation. And most importantly of all to Mathias, his eyes were turbulent and utterly dripping, and there was no still sea anymore, it was all just a storm.

 

He was about to fall apart.

 

So Mathias did what his other, non-leader instinct said, the instinct of the caring friend. The instinct of a silent admirer.

 

He broke contact barrier and took Lukas into a hug.

 

In an almost pathetic way, there was no fighting this time. Mathias let it all happen, the way that Lukas went limp as a straw doll in his arms, the quiet sobs and the quick and yet careful wrap of the Norwegian's own arms around the frame of the Dane's back, and they quivered together.

 

Because, as Mathias thought, that was how it naturally was. Whenever something really meaningful happened with them, they were together and not at all separable. And once he fully accepted this revelation, Mathias couldn't help but cry as well.

 

He didn't really understand why he was crying, but he liked to think it was something about sympathy.

 

They simply stayed that way, crying in the other's arms for a while.

 

Cathartic. Relaxing and heaving down to a lower level of excitement.

 

Calming each other with their presence.

 

Eventually, the sobs faded away and they kept on holding on, like they would lose a lifeline otherwise. It was partially out of embarrassment, one could certainly admit. There's always the humiliating after-pause of one of these events, where you just don't quite know how to treat the situation.

 

Hell, Mathias was a people person and even he couldn't figure it out, 'cause Lukas just wasn't a normal person.

 

Ah, no he wasn't. And that simple fact made Mathias think all the better of him, because in his eyes it made Lukas special -- not because it justified the behavior, but because this singular event was telling him that Lukas really did care about him. The friendship mattered, and his heart was sent to swelling with love and happy warmth because of it.

 

Even if on the outside his cheeks were stained with tears, for Mathias they were all happy ones, and that's what he decided as an afterthought. Happy tears, nothing more, nothing less.

 

He was just....glad. Glad that Lukas really was giving a damn.

 

Mathias gently laid himself down on the carpet, keeping the Norwegian in his arms and on top of his body. Instead of saying anything, he simply closed his eyes and listened to both of their breathing, slower than before, and more unified.

 

Times like these....were peaceful.

 

Somewhere in the relative darkness of his shut eyelids, Mathias heard some gratitude, a quiet 'takk'. He was about to open his mouth to speak, but changed his mind and decided to wait some more. He shifted his attention to rubbing light circles on the body on top of him, gently and cautiously, for he knew that there was something at stake with the gesture.

 

But Lukas didn't seem to mind at all, much to Mathias' surprise.

 

"Mathias... you've definitely improved."

 

The Dane opened his eyes slowly and steadily, to meet the timid gaze of his friend.

 

"Ja. You improved on reading my body language, in more ways than one."

 

It was more praise, something that sent his heart fuzzy with adoration and gratitude. Somehow, hearing it from someone in a vulnerable state of being like this meant all the more, and maybe that was because they had grown so much more closer to each other with this accidental breakdown.

 

"Now it's my turn to say... thanks, Nor." The Dane smiled slightly, holding his arms in a ring gently, observantly. "Og selv tak."

 

The eyes that watched him were of a deep and beautiful hue, that only the sky could rival in brilliance... and somehow be defeated against the singular weight of those aged irises. Nothing could stand against their intensity, emotionally and chromatically.

 

Mathias thought that having the entire weight of someone else on top of him was oddly relaxing. He couldn't have dreamed of that body being one of his closest friends, though. He always thought this kind of position was associated with lust, but... no it really wasn't, now that he stopped to think about it. It could be platonic too.

 

And really? He was fine with that. He really was accepting of that kind of a reality.

 

He had a feeling that Lukas felt the same way, but was too scared to ask. Mathias didn't know why, but a gut feeling told him not to say anything and just let them lie there.

 

Without any light from the TV across the room, it was readily apparent how quickly the daylight was there and then suddenly gone, just like his hesitation and bad feelings about Lukas.

 

It was as if night naturally gave way to the understanding of each other.

 

Before Mathias could fall asleep where he was, Lukas' voice toned out yet again, sonorous again, and yet somehow even more relaxed than before.

 

"I'm going to get up now, if you don't mind."

 

Mathias sighed heavily as his friend came to a full standing position above him, half-considering if he should stand up as well. Would it be guilty if he just... didn't?

 

The Norwegian looked down coyly at him. "Thank you again, Mathias. I need to be going now, though, since it's night and the roads could be quite dangerous later."

 

It was all understood. Winter was fickle like that sometimes... you never could know what the weather would assault you with. Wind, snow, ice, and the general feeling of loneliness that comes as a side affect of seasonal depression.

 

Mathias simply smiled. He made sure it was his damn best, the greatest and most sunshiny-filled one he could conjure from a laying position. It was something quite and utterly truthful.

 

And for once, Mathias thought he caught a glimpse of an actual smile from underneath the once-icy countenance of his stoic friend. Who looked down briefly at the Dane still lying on the carpet, and nodded, turning to leave. Mathias caught the last aching footsteps as they left the house, and then the door opening, shutting.

 

Then....a creaking noise. Metallic. He knew the sound of the mailbox by heart.

 

There was an almost painful amount of time before he heard the engine starting up out on the drive.

 

He laid there quietly and thoughtfully with one ear to the ground, listening as Lukas went away on the gravel. His heart beat fast inside of his wide rib cage, excited again.

 

That pause meant something too. When he was sure that Lukas had left, he wasted no time in leaping up to tramp across the hardwood floor in his bare feet, frigid in the cold draft that emanated up from the boards.

 

He silently opened the door, and implored for the contents of the mailbox with an ever so subtle grin on his face, fingers connecting cold with the envelope he found inside.

 

What was this? Something from Lukas surely. He probably put it in right before he left.

 

And as the Dane settled down in the darkness at the kitchen table, he felt that he knew precisely what the card was going to say even before he opened it.

 

Even if his heart would still feel deeply about what it said to him about Lukas.

 

_"Dear Mathias -- thank you for this Valentine's Day. I was glad to share it with you instead of someone else. Much appreciation..."_

 

_"...and love..."_

_"...Lukas."_

 

XXX

**Author's Note:**

> As always, please comment at-will below, and I hope you all enjoyed this. See ya around!


End file.
